Sunday, 9 December 2012

Dating is for losers.

Source: Tumblr

So I've been single for quite a while now.. er, six months? maybe a bit longer? I don't know, I can't really remember. I feel quite bad now for not actually being able to work it out- I promise it was a big deal at the time. I've somehow gotten off track really quickly, damn.

So I've been single for six (?!) months and during that time I have been dating and doing that whole scene and let me tell you,  the one thing that I have realised is that it is disgustingly boring. I have sat at tables with a whole host of idiots trying to impress me over a whole load of stuff: 'I have a problem with present buying, I just love buying girls presents my girlfriends always get so spoilt', 'So I said to him... I'm the decision maker and he is the assistant and he needs to remember that' or the classic 'my problem is that I always care too much. I always put others before me. It's my only flaw'. Oh really?! So if I dated that guy (yes it was all the same guy, I spent the whole meal sat in stunned silence over the size of his ego) I would not be drowning in gifts, unable to think for myself and mopping up the poor sods tears as he cried over everyones misfortune?! No, I let the generous fool pay for dinner and then I high tailed it home to eat a bar of dairy milk and watch gossip girl.

It is awkward being asked out. The bloke doesnt want to seem too keen, i'm assuming in case he gets rejected? so instead of the straight to the point: 'would you like to go on a date?' you end up with the cringe enducing: 'so, er, what you doing this week? we could hang out... maybe? as friends... er, or not. Er... whatever really'. Get to the point man because honestly, if i'm not interested I wouldn't say yes to the second option either. If you agree to the date you have to make the awkward arrangements, who picks who up? do you meet there? Personally I resent the man assuming he will drive. I like driving: give me the option to impress you with my hill starts. Then you have to sit there, staring at this person who ultimately just wants to get in your knickers and make discussion about childhood pets and future ambitions. You know that both of you are thinking the same things: who will offer to pay and who will try and slip the tounge in first. Trust me, you need make me laugh and not act like a complete tool if you expect me to do either.

You may be sitting there thinking 'well love you could ask them out on a date and you could make the effort to strike up a good conversation'. Yes, you're quite right, I really could and I can tell you know I could do a hell of alot better than the present smothering boy. My problem is that I'm not really looking for a relationship or a hook up or anything really. So why am I dating? It would be great to be swept off my feet in happily ever after... but I am not just looking for some idiot to step in and make me 'happy'. Independent woman rant aside, If you aren't my ideal of perfect (tall dark and fit, with a hint of stubble and able to pull off moody.. without being a misery, in leather) then I just don't want to know. I'm probably asking too much, maybe if he just manages to not fondle his balls every ten minutes I should be happy?

But honestly, one more shitty date and I promise that I will be fully off the scene and happily curled up in the arms of my pillow boyfriend, resigned never to have sex again.

I may have to leave dating to the professionals... what is a girl to do to find a decent man around here?


9 comments:

  1. What a great post, you just described the dating world perfectly. Good luck on finding your dark and moody man who can't keep away from his balls - I think they're rare! xo

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    1. hahaha they just don't exist do they..! xx

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    1. What is scary is that I'm pretty sure he preplanned these lines, it was like dinner with a robot xx

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  3. This made me laugh! Love the guy's "conversation starters" and especially your way of dealing with them! The dating world can be so superficial, but I hope you find someone tall, dark, handsome and down-to-earth!!

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    1. It really can, I would almost rather fastforward the 'exciting' dating stage- it just isnt exciting at all x

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  4. I've been single for just over a year now, and I have also had a series of really shitty dates. All while still kinda seeing/not seeing the ex. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong, but I feel maybe it's time for me to also pack it all in and become a crazy cat lady for the rest of my life! xx

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    1. eek, it sounds like you need some head space for yourself hun. I am fully resigned to being a crazy cat lady too :) x

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